AT THE END OF THE RAINBOW

GARETH DAVIS looks after all the editorial content at Travel Channel and runs the website. So if you've any comments or complaints, he's the one to get in touch with! He also produces and presents on the channel, primarily the series THE TRAVEL BUG and THE TRAVEL CHANNEL GUIDE TO … And when he has a spare minute, he writes for the travel section of the Sunday Mirror in the UK.

Somewhere over the rainbow you’ll find Key West; 30,000 free spirits letting their hair down on a 2 x 4 mile tropical rock, and a third of the men are gay. Not the kind of place you’d be clicking your heels to get out of in a hurry. Some came in the 60s and 70s to proudly hail the island’s flag of liberty and community, while others in the 80s sought to escape the dismal anti-AIDS climate. Theirs was no Trail of Tears however. They came in search of the care and support Reagan’s America witheld. And they found it in abundance. Artists, writers, even presidents, have found a bolthole here, and when grey winter skies overcast the soul, Key West, the southernmost point in the US – next stop Cuba – is where the sun goes down smiling.

In recent years, there’s been a third group of migrants. Affluent American queens wielding bulging assets and a profound affinity for pastel Victoriana have retired to the Floridian full stop. The result of this influx of capital is a sharp divergence between the fifty pluses who sun in splendour and the under forties who struggle to pay mounting rents on two or three jobs. Young guys metamorphose from shopgirl to go-go boy to entertain the moneyed and make a buck. Certainly as far as the gay scene goes, there’s more than a whiff of the court of the Romanovs. This isn’t a place I’d want to live in without resources.

But none of that need trouble your average holidaymaker – as long as you’re well situated. The island may be small but X doesn’t necessarily mark your spot. Avoid the New Town with its large international complexes. The Old Town is where you want to be, amongst the late 19th century whitewashed gingerbread and languid wisteria, where no surprise, there’s enough magic to satisfy Miss Du Bois. Here you’ll find Key West’s famous gay guesthouses, the exclusive and the mixed. The uniformity of period architecture in the Old Town means that visually the guesthouse scene is much of a muchness. The great differentiative that’s reflected in the room rates is facilities.

Here are three properties I found to chew on.

The Equator Resort on Fleming Street, all soft lemon sherbet and cream clapperboard is 100% gay. When I visited, it was unfortunately 90% empty; I hasten to add that early December is low season plus we were visiting midweek. The pool area is small though attractive and clothing optional. The rooms are spacious, and the facilities modern. My one criticism of the Equator is the absence of a bar that I feel would really help provide a focal point for guests. As it is, a free happy hour provided every evening between 5pm and 6.30pm gives you the chance to mingle.

Next stop Cypress House on Caroline Street. This Grand Mansion is mixed, straight and gay. This rambling home smacks of The Waltons where the kitchen is all bustle and extranea. The rooms are very spacious with an antiquey take which I felt tended more toward grandmotherly than grand. Hurrah for a hairdryer but the shower lacked chutzpah. The pool is largish and the 6pm to 7pm happy hour – again, complimentary – was an expansive buffet and bar affair. The bar however is not an all day fixture.

Back on Fleming, Island House is all male, few clothes, and very friendly – if you catch my drift. In addition to the sizable pool, there’s a stylish bar and café area serving breakfast, lunch and dinner, a gym, a sundeck, an indoor and outdoor jacuzzi, a steam room, sauna and video lounge tailoring to man tastes. This is a complex to make the likes of those in Gran Canaria shudder with shame and is without doubt the best gay resort I’ve ever visited. The rooms are gorgeous; the owners, Jon and Martin, must have made a B line for Heals, their interior designer credentials in hand, to conjure up this creamy, comfortable fondant of leathers and linens. The art is conspicuous and the nudes on the wall match those round the pool. I spent my time treading cotton wool between bedroom and pool, book in hand, and total relaxation was the result. Being of a spinsterly disposition, I couldn’t possibly comment on the activities enjoyed in the complex’ more secluded areas but suffice to say, the general buzz suggested more than satisfactory. St Peter guards the gates to Island House.

Generally, Key West’s guesthouses tend to be B&B affairs. At Island House however, breakfast is extra. Personally, the provision of an iron and ironing board has always been my definition of civilised accommodation and here, as in the rest of the States it’s the norm in every room. If only the UK and Europe would take note.

Outside the confines of Stalag Sex, the island is surprisingly forceful in its cultural punch. Ernest Hemingway, Truman Capote, and Tennessee Williams found enough to entice them. And all those grand maisons testify to the fact that back in the 1860s, Key West was the richest city in the US. Admittedly, the earnings were shady. The Shipwreck Historeum on Whitehead Street – “museum” I assume would be a turn-off - showcases the way fortunes were made. There were rich pickings to be had from the ships that were wrecked on the treacherous reefs, not all accidents. $9 admission will reveal all. And out to sea, things are still active. blu Q, is a sexy catamaran which for $75 pp ferries groups of eager guys to a nearby reef for snorkelling. Don’t worry if you haven’t brought your trunks.

In the 40s President Harry Truman chose Key West as his getaway of choice. The result is The Little White House on Front Street. Even if you’re not a fan of American history, it’s well worth $10 to snoop around the presidential gaff that’s been preserved just as it was in Truman’s day. The video intro reminds you how important Truman was – it was he who made the decision to use the atom bomb on Nagasaki and Hiroshima – and the guided tour is stuffed with family anecdotes.

For once however the President has to take second place to the island’s most famous resident. Ernest Hemingway, all butch bluster, may not be a gay icon other than for those who like to battle big fish, but his Floribbean home is Key West’s number one attraction. It also satisfies aesthetically. The highlight is a garden ornament that enhances the cottagey feel; a urinal from Hemingway’s local drinking hole, Sloppy Joe’s. He purchased this objet when the bar moved premises, announcing “I’ve poured so much money down that drain already, I feel like I own it.” Admission is $10.

A recent addition to the local attractions, and a very successful one, was a favourite of mine. The Gay Trolley Tour is the only one of its type in the US. It takes around an hour, costs $20 and for a rapid-fire intro to the island’s A to Z, history, and general sense of communal bonhommie, it’s a winner. Cuddly Betsy at the wheel who proceeded to beep me whenever she saw me on the street for the remainder of my stay was a star. Do it!

Main Street Key West is more than reminiscent of Disney’s Main Street USA. It goes by the name of Duval and historically was a showcase for the artistic community. There are still galleries to be had, stuffed with tropical art and glasswork that would just look sooooo out of place in a North London flat, but nowadays, the aim seems to be reinventing seaside staples. Want a T-shirt? How about one for every day of the year? The repetition becomes wearing after a while. One did catch my fancy, bearing the motto “So many right wing Christians. So few lions…” Stores to head for are Biton at 404 sporting designer wear by the likes of Versace, D&G, and DKNY; Birkenstock for sandals from $80, and of course, The Republic. That’s Banana Republic to those in the know.

So far and no food. Well, fish, fish, and fish sums up the local cuisine. THE speciality is an ugly largish mollusc called conch, which at its most edible comes in fritter form. Try it at Mangoes on Duval, a gourmet fairyland of twinkling lights and award-winning cooking. Hardened carnivores like myself aren’t all at sea. Chicken, steak and pork are at hand. Starters kick off at $6.50 and mains from $14. 915 Duval Street is a newer addition to the scene. A mansion with verandah and courtyard that screams An Interview With The Vampire, 915 specialises in tapas-style starters and medium sized mains from $4 and $14 respectively. Finally, there’s La te da’s; a beautiful white gossamered verandah space, which has become eminently disappointing since the departure of headlining chef Alice (she’s set up business across the road). Service is shoddy and the vibe amateur. The guesthouse itself is glam and you expect to hear Maggie the Cat bawling from an upstairs room. Actually, that’d be the cabaret in The Crystal Room where for $18 you can enjoy the best drag entertainment in Key West.

Slightly lower down the quality ladder though no less entertaining is what you’ll find at 801 Bourbon Street. This is a two-floor venue and a good place to kick off the evening’s troll. Upstairs at 8pm and 11pm the curtain parts on a drag act which resembles a road accident you can’t take your eyes off; fantastic. En suite, Saloon 1 is all leather and lather. I however am just so much vanilla. Like a tub of crème anglaise, I sat in the corner trying to navigate the escape route. Across the road Bourbon St. Pub has two indoor bars and one poolside. Go-go boys pout and grind, and there are two video screens to entice you if you get bored with crotch.

Zigzagging back across Duval, Aqua’s another drag alternative, this time with disco thrown in, and next door is KWest, the go-go bar par excellence. The boys are cute and firm, the clientele larger and less firm. The flash of a greenback, and honey, you’ll see things on this bar that I haven’t seen in bed. The main club option is techno straight gayish Wax on Appelrouth Lane; too old and too tired to wend my way there.

Ok so this was my second visit to the Island of the Blessed, and honestly, first time round I wasn’t fussed. The place struck me as essentially a one-horse town for a three-dollar trick. Pretty, but dull in the long run. Second time round? Volte-face! I’m planning my retirement. So anyone got a spare million?

Ever thought you could visit the Florida Kayes without a car? To find out how, check out PETRA SHEPHERD’s feature…

FOR MORE INFORMATION
To find out more about my recommended accommodation visit:

To find out more about Equator Resort visit:
www.equatorresort.com

To find out more about Cyprus House visit:
www.cypresshousekw.com

To find out more about Florida Keys and Key West visit:
www.fla-keys.com

I’d really like to know what you think of Key West and any recommendations you may have so DROP ME A LINE

July 2005